


Why All Wizards Are Gay

by cloudeater (anxiousgoat), crackshoespotterr (moonshoespotterr), isthisagoodbit (louminosity), the_laibararian, tschulie, Violas Crack Fics (ViolaMoon)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, M/M, Podcast: Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26084737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousgoat/pseuds/cloudeater, https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonshoespotterr/pseuds/crackshoespotterr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/louminosity/pseuds/isthisagoodbit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_laibararian/pseuds/the_laibararian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tschulie/pseuds/tschulie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaMoon/pseuds/Violas%20Crack%20Fics
Summary: Dumbledore turns into a cat and all wizards are gay!
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10
Collections: Fanatical Fam's Crackfic Chaos





	Why All Wizards Are Gay

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Crackfic written by the Fanatical Fam over on the discord for the Fanatical Fics and Where To Find Them podcast!  
> These fics have been created using our favourite bot - Chocolate Frogs - during a game we like to call Crackfic Chaos.

The youthful Albus Dumbledore finished curling his beard in the mirror and started applying careful eyeliner. Gellert would be here any moment and Albus wanted to be perfect for him. The young Albus was almost ready for his date, he just needed his sparkly cock sock on and he was ready for Gellert. Next stop, the Room of requirement where a night of frivolity awaited. 

Albus let out a sigh. Tonight was the night, he thought as he walked towards the Room of Requirement. Tonight was the night for the big question. He was going to ask Gellert for something special. And he was sure that Gellert would say yes. How could he not? Albus put on his best, sparkly cock sock for the occasion. 

He was going to ask for a soul bond. 

Oh a soul bond with Grindi, his hearts biggest desire. Albus hoped that the expenses for his extra glittery sock for his best piece had been worth it. Thinking about the possibly lost galleons he made his way to the Room of Requirement. As Albus entered the Room of Requirement, he felt a shiver flow over him. His skin prickled as his back curved and limbs lengthened. All of a sudden, he was blinking up at the open expanse of the room. 

And he was a cat! 

A rather striking cat at that. He didn't know how Gellert could resist him now. Albus was sure that even as a cat he was smoking hot! And the sock had stayed in place! Gellert was already there waiting for him, not paying the cat strolling in any attention. He had to get Gellert's attention somehow! 

Albus strolled up to him and started purring and rubbing against Gellert's legs, hoping that he would recognize the distinct markings on his face that would signify he's a human. That, plus the cock sock. Instead, gellert brushed him aside and continued pacing, muttering to himself and wondering why Albus had failed to show up to the Room of Requirement. 

Albus sat back on his furry little bum and meowed loudly. Gellert, in the meantime, decided he was going to have to go and look for Albus. He'd been so long! Git. 

Gellert stormed off into the depths of the castle, the annoying puss trotting along behind him, yowling persistently. Cat Albus was now annoyed, his date was not at all going to plan. With a swish of his tail, he turned Gellert into a cat too and then pounced on him, yowling hornily. 

Cats Albus and Gellert rolled around on the floor, meowing seductively at each other. Cat Albus leant in to kiss his lover before realising that he was a cat and cats could not kiss. Instead, he settled on licking cat Gellert's face affectionately. Cat Gellert responded with a happy sigh and entwined his tail with cat Albus'. 

The entwining of Albus and Gellert's cat tails was so powerful that magic was building up in their tails. The power of their bond and of true love! Where was the magic going to go? Or what was it going to do? The magic from Albus and Gellert's cat tails burst forth like a sparkly rainbow beam and shot into the air. It spread throughout Hogwarts and hit every male student.

The magic engulfed the students who, in unison, gasped with realisation. Of course! All wizards were gay! How had they not realised this before?! 

At once, every male student at Hogwarts turned towards each other and began to kiss vigourously. The female students looked on in confusion before shrugging. They shipped it.

Cat Albus and Cat Gellert looked on with such pleasing eyes. Yes, this was their plan the whole time. The true gay agenda. All wizards are gay! Using their bond and powerful love magic, they whispered a command to each of the gay wizards. Glittery rainbows shot through the air, whirling between the gay wizards and surrounding them with gay. The wizards looked on in astonished delight and then began to dance. 

Brian the Obvious put his head in through the door and waved a sword. "Anyone need to be rescued? Oh, no, I see you're all good. Never mind." And he tucked his sword away and closed the door again. 

Feline Albus and Feline Dumbledore began to copulate with loud shrieks and yowls, as cats do. As the gay wizards travelled throughout the castle, the magical glittery rainbows caused everyone to follow them and also become gay. 

Entering the Great hall, the last straight wizard at Hogwarts left was eating chicken: Ron Weasley. As he too became gay, the great hall became decorated and a party broke out. All the house tables were decorated with rainbows and pride flags.\

Then Grindelwald pulled off his mask and revealed that he had been Salador, the son of Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor, whose last life goal had been to spread the gayness all along. Their goal had been reached, now all wizards are gay.


End file.
